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In the Company of Bullies

tkmillerkathy

I deliberately did not watch the news last night. Lately I find myself having to step away from it now and then, in the interest of my mental health. I can only take so much political noise before I have to turn it off and find a distraction. Last night, oddly enough, my husband and I found ourselves binge watching Randy Rainbow videos on you tube. for those of you who don't know, Randy Rainbow is a talented singer and comedian who creates satirical content in the form of spoof interviews with political figures and Broadway-style show tunes that mock the right-wing. His content is hysterical and spot-on. Last night we watched one video after another, and it was a little like reviewing the most outrageous political events of the past decade. After an hour or so, Terry remarked that he did not realize Rainbow had been around for so long, and that it was a little unsettling to be confronted with all of that content in one sitting. I had to agree. It was a stark reminder of what a sh*t show the past eight years have been. 

This morning, I got up and checked out the news on my computer. Just another day. Another video had surfaced of JD Vance insulting childless women...specifically teachers, this time. Trump had decided to film a political stunt at Arlington National Cemetery. (Nothing says I support veterans like a grinning, thumbs up photo op in front of the graves of American heroes.) And then, of course, we had the update on Trump's insomniatic social media posts. He must have been having a rough night, as this material was particularly nasty....shared content of Q-Anon conspiracy nonsense, photos of his political opponents in prison jumpsuits, calls for public military tribunals in retribution for who-knows-what. He had also posted a vile, sexually explicit meme about our Vice President and Hillary Rodham Clinton. Now, Trump's antics rarely surprise me. That's not to say that I don't make note of the ugliness that has become his personal brand; but generally I see it, shake my head and move on. It leaves me with a sort of sour taste in my mouth, just because he is capable of so much meanness, but I figured out a long time ago who and what Donald Trump is, so I just look away. 

But I'm tired of looking away. 

Like the rest of America, I have watched this story unfold in real time...from his birther accusations to his attempt at a political coup on January 6th, 2021 at the US Capitol. From the earliest days of his first campaign I saw him push the envelope again and again, crossing one line after another, and for reasons that I still cannot comprehend, he maintained a loyal following. It became a cult of cruelty, completely accepting of his crass and unapologetic rhetoric. He mocked people who could not defend themselves, he belittled the heroic acts of veterans, he demonized entire populations and defended the indefensible. He called himself a Christian, and then Chosen, and then the King of the Jews. He peddled Bibles like they were a set of discount store steak knives, a book for which he had no use as anything other than a prop in an ill-conceived photo op. As his presidency wound down we would see him threaten our democracy and fan the flames of an insurrection that took at least six lives. He continues to lie about the results of the 2020 election, and is clearly laying the groundwork for more violence if the election does not swing his way. God help us if it does. 

I say all this to illustrate the sad truth of just how much Donald Trump has put our country through. And make no mistake, this list only scratches the surface. He has, together with his allies subjected our nation to an almost daily assault of threats to the security of our democracy, deliberate, misrepresentation of facts, conspiracy-laden outright lies (most of which he does not even believe himself), and attacks against the press. He has no respect for women, no respect for social convention, and no respect for common decency. And perhaps worst of all, he has made us almost immune to it. We barely notice the extent to which he will go to assassinate the character of an opponent. We don't even acknowledge what he does from one day to the next, because we know with absolute certainty that there will be something at least as bad, and likely worse, that comes from his mouth or his twitter feed tomorrow. His base just chuckles and nods along....the rest of us look away. 

I think that willingness to just look away has resulted in a frightening change to the climate of our nation. If we are willing to accept that level of indecency from our leaders, how much more are we willing to accept from each other....from ourselves. How many cars did you drive past this morning on your way to work that had a F&%K BIDEN bumper sticker plastered on the window? Or a flag with the same message waving from the back of the bed of a $60K pickup?How many conservatives did you hear disparage Gus Walz after seeing him weeping with pride at the Democratic convention? A few of them walked back their comments when it came to light that he has a disability, as though it would be perfectly alright to bully a non-disabled teenaged boy with that kind of love for his father. But I did not hear a SINGLE conservative commentator speak out and tell their peers to "leave the kid alone." NOT ONE. 

Here's the thing...I have absolutely no use for a bully. I've run up against more than a few in my lifetime, and I've learned a thing or two about the bully-brain. First, they tend to run in packs. A bully rarely bullies without an audience. That defeats the purpose. They think their assaults afford them clout or credibility. That's why Trump uses social media with such fervor; he has an audience of people who, in his mind will either love him or fear him as a result of his attacks. Either serves his purpose. Second, they have an entire arsenal of excuses to use if they should get called out. They will pretend their remarks were an attempt at humor ("I was only joking"), they will gaslight their victim ("they are too sensitive"), and play the victim themselves ("you should hear what they say about me!"). And besides, as long as more people love them and/or fear them than call them out, it's well worth the cost. If they feel like they may be losing ground, their initial response will be to double down. If the victim stands their ground, they have to be prepared for a real onslaught to begin. What comes next will be exponentially worse than the initial assault, particularly if others are silently watching. The goal is to break the victim, while instilling fear (which they mistake for respect) in the onlookers. But here is where the bully is most vulnerable. If the crowd turns on them, if people begin to see their action as over-the-top, or if they begin to empathize with the victim, a crack begins to form in the bully's tough exterior. If the victim remains strong, or if their audience claps back, the gig is up. Most of the time the bully will run, and it may take a few of these scenarios to play out, but in my experience, this is the only way to truly get rid of a bully. 

So where does this leave America?  Well, truth is, he's still got his audience. And sadly, they have come to believe that his bad behavior gives them license to follow suit. Unfortunately, we've let this go on for far too long, and it's beginning to feel like we are not going to be able to put the pudgy orange genie back in the bottle. I should not make jokes. Donald J. Trump is not a joke. He is a very real danger to everything that most people stand for--even most of the people who support him, they just don't know it yet. But I can tell you this, if we keep looking away, keep rolling our eyes and holding our tongue, this WILL be the new normal, and it will only get worse. Historically, very, very bad things happen when countries allow a bully to get control, and when the populace joins in the attack, the consequences have been grave. And to tell the truth, I am not entirely sure that the scars of the past decade will even begin to heal before the end of my lifetime. But we have got to start by looking this evil in the eye. We cannot allow him to get by with slander and libel and incitement with no consequence. He is quite literally a very small, very shallow and very thin-skinned little man hiding behind a gigantic persona that is also, paper thin. He's certainly no dragon. But he is just the tip of the iceberg, and we have a long way to go. We have to go back to expressing outrage when he crosses a line, and we have to hold him accountable for the damage he has done. Because all the talk of unity amounts to little more than noise, as long as we are letting a bully have the floor. It's time to tell him to sit down and be quiet....the grownups have work to do. 

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